I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
