I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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