Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
