I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
