yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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