am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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