HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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