I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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