When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
