i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
