i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
