All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
