We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
