if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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