I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
