Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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