That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
