Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
