it's not cheating when I paid for it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
