i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
