oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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