i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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