I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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