nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize