she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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