Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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