Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize