I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
