I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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