I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
