you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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