I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
