He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
