my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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