why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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