i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
