Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
