She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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