So drunk, too bad you don't want this
one might say we're banned from that church
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
