i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
