Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
