You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
