She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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