Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And then he peed in my hair
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