At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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