I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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