I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
