Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this boner is exhausting
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
