I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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