I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
